You get to take up space on the Planet: healthy interactions

If I had to pick one theme from my therapy sessions last week, it would be:

“You get to take up space on the planet!"

Here’s the thing— we are all doing our best to live and interact in healthy ways on this planet of ours, and this means acknowledging that your needs and wants matter, AND my needs and wants matter. That’s not easy as it sounds because it can mean holding two OPPOSITES at the same time—your opinion and mine. It’s so much easier to hold on to one of these for dear life and let the other drop.

 But that’s the danger!

If I lean too far toward what I need, then I am shutting other people out, and my relationships suffer—so do my values. If I lean too far toward what someone else needs, then I am shutting myself out, and my self-respect suffers.

So, the key to healthy interactions is

acknowledging that we ALL get to “take up space on the planet." You get to be seen, heard, and understood, and I get to be seen, heard and understood.

Everybody’s needs, opinions, quirks, etc. get to “take up space.” This applies on a macro level—like in the political arena, or on a more micro level—like in our family relationships. So, next time you disagree with someone,

SLOW IT DOWN! 

Pause…

Stand in their shoes for a minute…

Listen to really hear the underlying values, fears, etc. that drive them. 

Ask questions with open curiosity. 

You may even find that you agree with a few of those underlying values and fears. You may also find that when someone feels understood, they are more ready to hear your story. So, as my sister tells her kids, “Quit your honkin’ sometimes, and listen!” 🤭 

Once you understand where the other person is coming from, remember to also take a minute to stand in your own shoes.

"Listen" to your own underlying values and feelings...

Own them!...

Communicate them!—not as the only opinion that matters, but as one of many—with just as much weight as any other opinion... 

Let yourself be seen and heard.

You could possibly find out that someone else agrees with some of your values, and that feels good, but you will definitely find out that you can stand up for yourself in a way that respects you AND the people around you. 

This is a skill that takes a lifetime to learn. We are all in this together, so let’s remember to “quit our honkin’ sometimes, and listen.” 

Everyone gets to take up space on the planet!